Simple Strawberry

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Yes indeed I've return to blog after 6 mths. I just need a place where i can dump all my feelings in again.

Alot of things happened. The good, the bad, the unimagenable etc.. Over these few months I've gain a couple of very close friends yet within this few months I have disappointed some of those whom I treasure dearly.

I caused alot of unhappiness to people around me but I couldnt help it. I couldnt keep myself from going on eventhough deep inside me, I know whatever I'm doing is wrong, it will cause them to hate me.

I no longer know the person standing infront of me in the mirror. She looks like she is going to break down in a matter of days.

Everytime when we solve a problem, I will yearn for tomorrow thinking that tomorrow will be a better day but why do I not yearn for it anymore? Cos tomorrow will bring new problems. It will never end. First, someone I owe so much to. Then, someone whose friendship I treasure. Then, someone who is a friend of theirs. Then, someone I'm willing to die for, willing to give up everything to see her good again.

To someone whom my heart is bleeding for:-

Do you know how much tears I shed for you when I heard what she told me? I do not know what to think, what to do. I'm at a lost of words. All I could do was to stare at the computer while she was crying behind me. I hate to see her cry. I do not want her to see my tears but I cant control it, she saw. I wanted to hug her but I cant find the strength to do it. What she needs now is not my hug, is yours. She beared with this truth for more than 2 years alone for your sake. How many times have she teared for you secretly? Does her tears mean anything to you? The way she say it, do you know how much pain she was in?

I trusted you. I never thought you will choose that path, that route. I thought I can accept it but now that it happened to you. I realised i cant. I really cant. WE cant. Do you know how much I love you? I do not how to put it into words but I will do anything for you.. WE will do anything for you. Why must you choose this route? You promise me you wont. You promised me and I was the last to know. And you didnt even intend to tell me, it was from someone else. Do you know how hurt I am? I do not know how to face you anymore but I do not have a choice. I'm dont know how much longer I can pretend like i dont know. I am losing myself soon. All the problems I've been through nothing can compare to this. Nothing.

Please dont go deeper. Please get out when you still can. I'm willing to give up my life here and go somewhere else with you just so you can start anew. Just so that both of us can start anew and so that WE can have you back.

Even when I'm posting, my tears just cant stop. Do you know why? You mean too much to us. You mean too much to me. I really do not know how to say this to you. I wasnt even suppose to know about this. Who am I to you? No matter what I really want to say this to you.

I love you and will never give up on you.. She loves you even more than I do. If my heart is bleeding for you now. What do you think her heart is like now? Its shattered. We love you.

Luv,
Xuan

yOnGxUAN blogged @ 10:06 PM