wat if one day u met with an accident. before u die who will u thinking about? ur family? friends? things tt havent been done?

didnt noe y last few days i keep thinking bout this qns. of cos im nt going to die. its jus a thought. anyway im quite a negative person. i think negatively eventhough i try hard to er think positively.. i like to pian myself too.

been through alot this couple of years. it realli realli realli change mi alot. i wasnt like who i am years back. im jus totalli a different person. whether its my shyness, stubborness, temper, thinking, its all totalli different from wat it use to be.

use to be very shy and seldom talk in class but talkative with close friends. nt so straight forward. definetly nt so tempermental. ppl do change dun they? wat realli causes the change? izzit myself, the enviroment, the ppl around mi or ppl who means alot to mi? till today i dunnoe the answer.

well, talked to the gerls today. lots of things to say, lot to think about. we might be considered very close in poly but we are nt close until we can tell each other our deepest secrets. well we talked bout relationship, stuffs like that. its was fun listening to them n sharing with them. All our expectations of "THE" guy = dream guy is so different. some doesnt believe tt true love exsist. but i seriously think tt it does. its somewhere out here waiting to be found. maybe it has already pass us by without noticing it.

who arent afraid of being hurt in a relationship? who doesnt close themselves up in relationships so they wun be hurt? who wun try to stay as far away as possible to the person they admire so they wun fall in love with the guy? all this can be overcome if we are matured enough to realli think bout wat we realli wan in a relationship. do u wan a long steady relationship? if u wan, u got to commit urself into it. if nt there is no way a relationship can work out. if at this age ppl are still playing around with relationship den i shall say to them. wake up ppl. if u wanna play pls choose those indivduals who will play with u and nt those who realli commited to u. the more hearts u break the more sin u commit. trying nt to sound religious. im a free thinker.

before, i was immatured maybe even now im nt matured enough to realli step into a relationship. i have experienced the most beautiful time and worst time of a relationship and eventually it collasped. after a failed relationship tt lasted for so long after all the tough times, i realli wonder cant love last forever? first love realli cant last? i use to be so keen to prove tt first love can last. cos i believe but it seems tt, first love realli doesnt last (PROVEN). so wat do ppl do when their relationship fails? hate each other? lose contact? feel awkward? most of the ppl i noe cant bring themselves to talk to their ex-bfs. izzit realli so bad? ya starting it is realli difficult but it realli depends on how bth of them think. if u break up cos u cheated on ur partner den gd for u if ur ex hates u. if u break with peace and there is a very gd reasoning behind it. y cant u ppl still be friends? i still dun get it.

*important* how many ppl acutalli is willing to sacrifice their friendship so tt they can be a couple? ppl restrain themselves from falling in love again with their ex. they restrain themselves to fall in love with their gd friends. y? afraid if the relationship fails again it will cost their friendship forever? i guess so. in everyone's life there is definitly one person who u wun forget. it might be the person u causes u the most hurt or the person who brings u the most joy or even both. so who is the person u wun forget? tell mi after 40 years ya and i shall tell u mine.

*important* its sad if a couple is getting married this year n they break. but wat if one person is willing to wait? izzit worth it? izzit? should he move on? its easy to ask ppl to move on but when it happens on u. what will u do? depressed? its nt easy to forget. who says time heals? it doesnt heals. it wun. u onli choose to push it to the deepest place in ur heart and pretend u have forgotten, forgiven and moved on but at the darkest part of ur life, when u reach the point of breaking. the wounds will surface once again. it will hurt even more but wat can u do? cry ur eyes out? stare at the things tt was given to u by him and sobbing away? praying one day he will return to u? will it happen? i dunnoe ... but i believe in miracles and i believe most of the ppl out there wanna believe in miracles too.

this is one of the most emotional blog i have ever written but all the questions asked is wat i wanna noe. all the things wrote here is wat i have always believe in and thought about.